When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
