can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
