Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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