And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
