a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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