I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so let's talk penis.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
