I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
