i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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