...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's paper in my vomit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
