I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
