I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
