I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
