I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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