she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
