Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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