Can Purell be used as lube?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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