A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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