He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
