i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
