Just took my morning after pill in the library
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
