he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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