So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
