He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
