I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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