Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
