Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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