it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
