You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
