He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
