The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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