i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
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I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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