New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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