Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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