I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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