I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
