I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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