How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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