What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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