new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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