We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
