weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
