No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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