i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
