Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
