Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
