guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
