I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
