I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
