for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
