I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
