Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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