I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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