5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
