I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
