I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
