He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
