I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
