:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
