It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
