I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
honey bunches of taint.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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