woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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