just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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