found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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