i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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